2009 Kelly Gang Shootout Program

The Golf

The Format: Teams of four playing two-ball ambrose best-ball on Saturday and four-ball ambrose best-ball on Sunday.

The Rules: Since slow play is a potential problem for our gangs, these rules are designed to encourage play in the right spirit and at the right pace. Teams play their chosen best ball on each shot and may place their ball half a club length (about 50cms) from where the chosen ball lies, no nearer the hole. Balls must be placed in the same cut as the chosen ball. In the interests of fast play from tee to green, teams are NOT required to mark with a tee and precisely measure from the chosen ball as they play each shot. Team members can play in any order on a shot. Putting: Once on the green, Bushrangers should mark near the chosen best ball so each team member plays from near enough to the exact same position.

Handicapping: Each person will be assigned a handicap by the handicapper based on official handicaps and information supplied by the Bushrangers. The handicapper will be governed by a commitment to rewarding good play according to a player’s ability. Team handicaps for the ambrose groupings are calculated from the individual marks.

Playoffs: In the event of a tie, a sudden-death playoff will be conducted. Teams play together as a foursome (taking alternate strokes playing one ball). The order is continuous and carries over from one hole to the next until the playoff is decided.

Nearest-the-Pin & Longest Drive: Will be contested on both days and, in the interests of team gloating and solidarity, any player who wins a LD or NTP wins prizes and glory for his entire team.

The Rodeo Rule: This is minimum drives for each team member and will be enforced. Each team’s individual rodeo requirements will appear on their scorecard.

Additional Info

Rounds One & Two: 2-ball ambrose starting at 11:30am on Saturday on the West Course. Competitors need to be at the course at least half an hour before hit off. All competitors have golf carts on both days.

Round Three: 4-ball ambrose from 9:56am on Sunday on the East Course. Competitors need to be at the course by 9:20am.

The Presentation: After golf on Sunday, we will collate the scores and have the presentation as quickly as possible. The venue for the presentation (probably in the clubhouse) will be announced before golf.

The Package includes:
•  A cooked breakfast in the clubhouse bistro both days.
•  A $15 clubhouse voucher per person per day that can be used for meals or for drinks.

The History of The Kelly Gang Shootout at Glenrowan

The Kelly Gang arrived in Glenrowan on 27 June 1880 and took about 70 hostages at the Glenrowan Inn. They planned to derail a train of police coming for them and while they waited for the train, they kept the hostages entertained by breaking out the turps and firing up a party that was a rollicking good time. The party lasted for two days. Meanwhile the police avoided the derailment and laid siege to the pub.

The gang members, Ned Kelly, Dan Kelly, Steve Hart and Joe Byrne, donned their now-famous helmets and armour (weighing about 44 kg), and fought a gun battle with the police. Before dawn on Monday June 28, Ned Kelly left the rear of the inn in his armour and circled behind the police. As the dawn broke, Ned cast an eerie figure marching out of the morning fog in his armour and overcoat, firing his revolvers. Police bullets bounced off his armour and it was not until the police shot at his legs that he slowed. He eventually collapsed and was captured beside a large fallen gum tree. He was near death and not expected to survive.

The rest of the gang died in the pub, probably from gun shot wounds, although the police bravely made sure by torching the building and burning Anne Jones’ pub to the ground. The police suffered only one minor injury: the senior officer, Superintendent Francis Hare, copped a scratch to his wrist, then fled the battle and was later suspended for his cowardice. Police bullets struck several of the hostages during the siege, at least two fatally. Ned lived and left on the train they tried to derail.

The Form Guide

The Glenrowan Hacks – Steve Hart, Joe Byrne and Dan Kelly all lost their lives at the siege in Glenrowan (June 26–28, 1880) that Ned had hoped would be the catalyst for a new republic. The myth of Ned grew as he somehow survived the ordeal having sustained enough gunshot wounds to bring down a horse. It was the first and last time they wore their iconic armour. In honour of this, the defending champions will play the KGS every year as The Glenrowan Hacks.

David Regenspurger (Hamburglar) – Had a stellar 2008 and sealed the win for his team in the KGS last year with a mighty four-iron to the 18th. Went on to back up that effort with a great win in the VSGCC and then came within a shot of taking out the William Buckley Classic (WBC) and the BRG Player of the Year (POY) in his maiden year on the BRG Tour. Has been foolishly tinkering with his swing mechanics lately and rumours have begun circulating the mounting yard that he may have Baker-Finched himself out of contention here this week.

Matthew Thomas (Thommo) – Returned to the game last year after a lengthy sabbatical and by the end of the season had covered himself in glory. Won the KGS, the VSGCC and took out the BRG POY as well as a Handicap Day and 2nd place by a single shot in his maiden WBC. Made the most of his unlimited opportunities last year and already has a couple of HD wins in 2009 and the lead in the POY race. May need to be sedated between rounds by his rivals if they are to have any chance.

Wade Jones (Mr Odds & Ends) – This flighty stallion made a name for himself at his maiden KGS last year with some ill-fated bedtime lobbying of the handicapper. His efforts were ineffective and he finished in fifth place. Although only two places off the podium, in a field of five it was a very shabby result. Has taken full responsibility for that performance by abandoning his ‘08 team mates and joining forces with two of last years champions. Given his sleepwalking and cot-hopping form, his new comrades may get a lot more than they bargained for.

Dave Amos (The Swinger) – This all-round sports fanatic is making his first start in a field of this quality. Is rumoured to love his golf, horse racing, rugger (both union & the other stuff) and casino games in equal measure. Will certainly fit right in but may be overwhelmed by the quantity and quality of sporting joy on offer here. Given his pedigree, he could surprise if he settles early, but may not make this step up in class.

Form: A potent outfit that has the breeding, form and competitive spirit to give this event a massive shake. If they can all stay in the correct beds between rounds, they could be right in it at the finish.
 

The Frosty Beveridges – Ned Kelly was born in Beveridge, at the foot of Fraser’s Hill, 40 kms north of Melbourne. It was his first home town and is well known for being at its best when the temperatures are a little on the chilly side.

Shane Morris (The Fridge) – Copped an absolute barrage from this correspondent in the KGS program last year with lines like: “When the heat comes on, The Fridge melts down”. Came out and answered his critics in emphatic style with a barnstorming win that was smothered in class, dipped in guts, glazed with skill and served with a cherry on top. Has backed that up in 2009 by helping his home club to a stunning, against-the-odds, first-ever, A-grade Pennant win. Loves a scrap on the golf course and can be relied on to get heavily involved on the poker tables between rounds. Will certainly be in the thick of it all weekend and is a huge chance to be the first ever to go back-to-back at the KGS.

Brian Davis (The Postman) – They call him the postman because he delivers the goods. Which is exactly what he did here last year in his debut on the BRG tour when he saluted in emphatic style to take out this championship with a svelte display of ball-striking and a fine touch with the flat-stick. A debonair raconteur off the course, his low-key style and beguiling wit is sure to delight between rounds and his penchant for the punt will probably see him leading a syndicate or two at the Rich River TAB, cheering home a few quaddies.

Geoff Cutting (The Muppet) – Arrived in Tocumwal last year primed for this event and looking for a good time, which he found just about everywhere but on the scorecard. Known for his creative skill with a paint brush and perennially cheery disposition, this year he will have to stay profoundly optimistic and dig deep into his bag of tricks if he is to dispel the demons of 2008. His main challenge is that he has a reputation for golfing his ball about as well as Fozzy Bear cracks one-liners. May do all his best work off the course.

The Fill-Ins (Polly Filla) – This mob ran into issues with a late withdrawal from the team. At the time of printing, their 4th member looks like a combo of Kingy on Saturday & Des on Sunday. Problems.

Form: With an interrupted preparation and the prospect of trying to lump a three-legged pony along in a field of bristling quadrupedic stallions, they are not only looking short of a gallop, they are looking like any sort of gallop is a physical impossibility. Will be lucky to make it out of the gates, let alone cross the finish line ahead of the field. Making up the numbers here and will be at very long odds even to place.
 

The Beechworth Boys – Ned was gaoled as a teenager for receiving a stolen horse. In January 1873, he was transferred from Pentridge to Beechworth Prison where he spent the next year of his youth learning from hardened criminals how he might become an upstanding member of the community.

Gavan Doran (The Rose) – Making his first start in the KGS, he is looking to dust off the cobwebs in his trophy cabinet here. With podium finishes in both the Bushranger Cup and the WBC, he certainly has some form to recommend his chances and has been playing a lot more golf lately so must be considered a contender. Off the course he can be relied on to deliver the same great value to his backers once again – the Rose of Doran will be on display and Echuca may never be the same.

Neil Hocking (Hocks) – This easygoing gent possesses a delightful dry wit and is a pleasure to engage in conversation although given the company he keeps, he appears to be a scoundrel of the highest order. Is a master at repairing to the lounge with a civilised goblet of grape juice after an enjoyable day on the links. Alas, the vacancy sign still hangs outside his trophy cabinet. He will be very keen to set that right this week and take home some silverware to polish within an inch of its life.

Paul Lambe (Lambo) – This golfing enigma is capable of strapping together rounds of both exquisite beauty and abject depravity. A real Jekyll and Hyde, his comrades will be hoping he shoots straight all weekend and produces one of his feats of exquisite beauty on the fairways of Rich River. Is far more consistent off the course and can be relied on to make a strong contribution to the post-golf action by sharing his fine wines and swapping ripping yarns around the campfire.

Roger Brown (Arbeige) – This chino-packing wonder of the fairways is known for his offensive ability, but can struggle on defence. Came into this event last year as the defending champ and the holder of the Arbeige Slam as he was also the reigning Bushranger Cup and WBC champion. Was on top of the world back then, but how quickly things change. His KGS defence was a shemozzle – he came stone motherless last and his BC defence saw him go only one better to finish second-last.

Form: Having come so close so many times, this gang has imported the mighty ‘beige to the team hoping he will be the final piece of the puzzle. Not a bad move as he has won every ambrose major in the world and delivers massive value. They will be very hard to hold off if they are one out, one back and swooping on the home turn with the three amigos  perched on board applying the whip to the famous ‘beige hind-quarters.  
 

 The Stringybark Creek Freaks – The infamous shootout between police and the Kelly Gang at Stringybark Creek took place on October 26, 1878. The Gang surprised the police at their camp and the ensuing gun battle was the spark that ignited the Kelly outbreak.

Richard Fellner (Quigley) – This globetrotting maestro of the fairways has as much to recommend his chances here as any in the field. Is not only a co-founder of this event, he is a past champion, boasting a stunning win in 2006. Has also done the most detailed preparation with a recent trip to the American Wild West to do some quality Bushranging on the fairways of Arizona and has reportedly had his espresso machine serviced and fully pimped in preparation for this trip. A huge favourite.

Mick Van Raay (Da King) – An outright rogue and unconscionable scoundrel who cannot be trusted in any circumstances. Don’t let him catch you looking sideways at him or he will make you his bitch. Or worse. Won the ’06 WBC, was runner-up here last year, and is clearly set on improving on that. Will stop at nothing to appease his repugnant and inhuman desires. The rest of the field would be well advised to step aside and let this big man pass unimpeded to the top of the podium.

Ian Crotty (Crottman) – Comes in here massively underdone this week with an interrupted preparation and will require an armchair ride from his gang to have any chance at all of figuring in the finish. No one doubts he has the pedigree, the all-court game, the ticker, the experience and the killer instinct to contend for this championship, but does he really have what it takes? As always, will delight with a snappy collection of ensembles and bonnets from his golfing wardrobe that would make Derek Z, Hansel, Mugatu and Brüno all green with envy.

Matthew Pitt (Pw Jones) – Has winning form at this venue with a stylish come-from-behind win in the world-famous Shiraz Classic at his last start here. Took out that championship with a stunning victory in a sudden-death play-off in front of a packed and raucous gallery and clearly loves this venue and knows it as well as any player in this field. Unfortunately, that win was back in 1998 and his recent form is not quite so convincing. Managed a tie for second place in the KGS last year but since then, has not come even close to bothering the engraver.

Form: With five major championships and countless podium finishes between them and form on all tracks in all conditions across all formats over all distances, this gang certainly has what it takes to win here. If they get on a roll, they are capable of forming a breakaway and making an attacking move that could tear apart this peloton of Bushrangers.

The Jerilderie Gents – The Kelly Gang popped by Jerilderie in 1879, held up the local bank, jagged some pounds, penned a feisty letter and wandered over to the Telegraph Office to chop down a few poles.

Scott Wilson (Willo) – Has played two events in 2009 and has a 50% strike rate with an equal first place in the February Handicap Day and an equal last place finish in the Bushranger Cup in April. If we conduct a purely scientific and objective analysis of the data, there is no question that, on the balance of probabilities, all other things being equal, he is arguably almost certainly due to maybe return to the winners circle this week. But, since when were we ever scientific or objective? No chance.

Michael Nolan (Gaso) – Like his colleague (sic) above, started the year in a blaze of glory with a blistering 2nd place in the January Handicap Day and has not been seen on the fairways since. Spent the Bushranger Cup weekend up to his nuts in river casting flies around the place so he could plop a few brown trouts through the surface of the water. Has finally put aside his fishing pole so he can come and golf his balls with us. Looks a little underdone but definitely has what it takes as he proved in his mind-blowing win at the 2007 Bushranger Cup.

Geoff Harrison (Harro) – This raconteur and certified sports nut is shaping up for a heavenly weekend. He can’t get enough golf and, like a few here, will be in Echuca for 3 full days of action. But it is between rounds when he will really hit his straps as he puts on a demonstration of Television Remote Control Manipulation that could threaten to elevate it into a sport in its own right worthy of Olympic inclusion. With the British Open from Turnberry, the Ashes from Lords, the Bledisloe Cup, Le Tour de France and his beloved Pies playing on Saturday night, he could spontaneously combust during this televised sporting Nirvana.

Rob Lugton (Luggo) – Only took up the game last year but can monster the ball huge distances when he latches onto it and is a real smoky in the field this week. Was once known as The Don for his Bradmanesque ability to rack up big numbers but hard work with his coach and on the practice fairway has seen his scores tumble and the results start to come. Was 2nd at this event last year and 3rd at his last start in the June handicap Day. If his comrades can make the most of his hitting power and drop a few putts, they’ll be right in it at the finish.

Form: This patchwork quilt of golfing skill and temperament might not attract much attention in the betting ring, but they may just have the perfect combination of complimentary assets to pull off a highway robbery here and steal the title from some of the more fancied gangs.